(This past weekend, I was at the bedside of a dear friend as he died. Then on Monday, I helped medical students grieve the sudden, unexplained death of one of their own - a student whom I knew personally. Then on Wednesday I presided at the memorial service of a clinical psychology graduate student who committed suicide. This poem results from my week of intense conversations with friends and students about the nature of life, death, and grief.)
The Fire
I had no idea my assumptions were so flammable
Until with one spark
My whole house roared up in flames.
Beliefs that mattered
Were transmuted into dancing energy.
That stout oak cabinet
On which my memories were framed for display
Whooshed skyward, leaving no shadow.
Even the framework
On which I might have reconstructed my sense of self
Was reduced to thin strips of ash.
My past and presumed future
Were left to vibrate in quantum uncertainty.
People tell me they’re sorry for my loss,
And then change the subject quickly,
Hoping to extinguish the fire of my grief
Before it spreads to their houses.
But would it be all bad if a grander conflagration
Brought down all the edifices of expectation
Shadowing my vacant lot
With smug walls of suburban stucco?
Then I might have others to join me
Standing all night on the open, ash-strewn ground,
Breathing the bracing air below pricks of distant light.
(PS: My "musing" last week, about my trip to the headquarters of the Mormon church in Salt Lake City, spread widely in the LDS world. To read some of the comments that it generated, have a look here: http://bycommonconsent.com/2011/11/14/questioning-general-authority/ . To explore other fascinating conversations among progressive Mormons, note the links at "By Common Consent" for "Dialogue" and for "Mormon Archipelago". Also check out Sunstone Magazine as a source of somewhat critical viewpoints about the faith from within the Mormon community.)
(PSS: To see my review of "Left, Right, and Christ" by DC Inness and Sharon Harper: http://tcpc.blogs.com/musings/2011/11/left-right-out-of-sight-and-christ.html . For more conversation about the book, on Patheos.com, see: http://www.patheos.com/Book-Club/Harper-and-Innes-Left-Right-Christ.html)
(PSSS: My next preaching gig: Sun Dec 11, 10:30 am, Mt Hollywood UCC, corner Prospect and Rodney, Los Angeles (Los Feliz neighborhood)
