Musings

But or And?

(A skit in the church, on the front altar:  BUT speaks
and withdraws from the communion table.  AND speaks
and approaches it.)

“I love you – BUT your habits annoy me to
distraction.”

“I love you very much, AND because I do, I’d like to
work with you on our mutually annoying habits.”

“I love you – BUT you are too fat or too thin or too
poor or too rich or too imperfect or too perfect for
me.”

“I love you, AND I accept everything about you, AND I
want to join you in growing and changing in positive
ways.”

“I would help you with your problem, BUT I’m way too
busy right now.”

“I’m busy with a project right now, AND when I’m done
I
will give you a hand.”

“When you get sick, our insurance will cover you, BUT
if you lose  your job because you are sick and can't
pay for the insurance anymore, you will be uninsured
and your assets will be wiped out.”

“Someday we'll all have health insurance when we get
sick, AND we'll all stay insured if we lose our jobs
because we're sick.”

“I’ll follow you, Jesus, BUT it's just too much to ask
me to give up my status or my privilege or my comforts
when following  you leads to such sacrifices.”

“I’ll follow you, Jesus, AND that means I’m willing to
risk it all for the sake of divine love, AND I hope
you’ll be there for me when the going gets tough.”

-----

Jesus had a simple test to see if a person was a
candidate for his inner circle of most dedicated
followers.  It was to find out whether they were AND
people or BUT people.  The AND people were like the
fishermen, James and John.  When Jesus invited them to
follow his path, they simply dropped their nets, left
them behind, AND followed him.  But when Jesus offered
the same invitation to the others in this story we
read this morning, they said “Yes, BUT.... – I have
to do this or that before I can follow you.”  

Now we can ask a pretty appropriate question – were
James and John and the other disciples responsible
people?  A wandering holy man comes along and these
AND people quit their jobs and leave their families,
on the spot.  Without giving Jesus any background
check, without reading his resume, they follow him. 
They were focused on adding themselves to Jesus’
followers, and not concerned at all with what they
would have to subtract in order to do that.  At least
the BUT people had the good practical sense to
hesitate, consider what they would have to subtract,
what they’d have to give up, and then go home and tidy
up their affairs, before committing to be Jesus’
disciples.  To the BUT people, Jesus said, "No one who
puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for
the kingdom of God."  When Roberta and I were in Peru
visiting her son Nick who is in the Peace Corps there,
he pointed out some fields which he had helped to
till.  This is third world agriculture – with bulls
pulling wooden plows on steep hillsides.  Nick
reported to us that it is quite an art to plow a
straight furrow – it takes all your attention and
plenty of muscle-power to keep the plow pointed in the
right direction.  Jesus was saying that if you put
your hand to the plow, you better be looking ahead,
not behind.  No time for BUT’s – a big strong bull is
pulling the plow, the dirt is sliding over the
plowshare, and there’s no time to look or go back. 
Jesus was on an urgent mission, and for his core team
of disciples he needed AND people, not BUT people.

I suppose each of us is a mix of AND and BUT.  A mix
of the exuberant urge to embrace, to add ourselves to
others and to add others to us, and of the fearful
hesitancy that we might lose who we are or what or who
we have.  A mix of willingness to go for it, to risk
for the sake of love and creativity, and of cautious
consideration of what might be lost in the risk.  The
walk of faith, the road of Jesus, is just this:  to
turn all our BUT’s into AND’s.  

My wife and I have been dithering for months about
whether or not we should move into the house she so
beautifully remodeled in Mill Valley.  For months, we
were BUT people.  Our conversations went something
like this:  We like our new house BUT we can’t afford
it.  We like our new house BUT our rent in Sonoma is
so cheap.  We like our new house BUT it’s way too
small.  We went around and around about it, stewing on
it, over and over, and after a while we got sick and
tired of being stuck on our BUT’s!  So we decided to
move – to put our hands to the plow, so to speak – and
keep our eyes aimed ahead – and take our chances and
go for it.  We like our new house AND we’re going to
try to make it work financially.  We like our new
house AND we will rise to the challenge.  We like our
new house AND we are going to find a way to fit
ourselves and some of our belongings into it, and get
rid of the rest.  We feel differently now that we’ve
made up our minds – it feels really good, even though
all the issues about the house are just the same as
they were when we were stuck on our BUT’s!

So often we poison relationships with BUT’s.  It’s
tough to work for a boss who has a BUT about you. 
Even if you earned the BUT!  Most of us have had to
deal with this at some point in our working lives. 
Your boss says, or implies, that he or she accepts you
and your work BUT thinks you are too slow, or you are
not capable enough, or you are not aggressive enough
at sales, or you are too aggressive, or you are not up
to speed at your tasks, or you know too much, or that
you are too shy or too outgoing.  Your boss may not
say the word BUT.  But you can feel it!  

And you can also feel it when your boss has an AND for
you instead of a BUT.  What a difference it makes if
your boss lets you know he or she appreciates your
work, and appreciates you, AND wants to help you do an
even better job by coaching you with new skills and
approaches that you may need.

Kids are very sensitive to the difference between BUT
and AND.  If they feel their parents’ love for them is
conditional – if it is stuck on one BUT or another –
they will feel less emotionally secure.  If kids feel
their parents love them absolutely unconditionally,
and if there are problems, they will love them AND
help them solve the problems, they will be more likely
to thrive as they bask in this unconditional love. 
Think of the difference:  “I love you, son, BUT you
aren’t working hard enough at school.”  The challenge
of parenthood is to turn that BUT into an AND:  “I
love you, son, AND if there’s some help you need to do
better in school, let’s talk about it.”

Faith is the conviction that there is hardly a BUT
that can’t be turned into an AND.....

On Being a Christian

I am pleased to be the minister of a Christian church which includes quite a few active members and participants who don’t call themselves Christians. It’s a very good sign. It means that there is room for people to be fully involved in our community, very comfortable here, without having to hang any particular religious label on themselves. This adds to the rich diversity of our community.

It also gives us an opportunity to reflect on what it means to be a Christian – or not. It’s probably no surprise for me to say that indeed, I am one. I’ve been told repeatedly that since I do not accept the literal truth of the resurrection or the miracles of Jesus, it’s impossible for me to claim to be a Christian. But such challenges really do roll right off of my Christian head, arms, hands, legs, feet, and toes. There’s really no doubt within me at all that I’m a Christian.

But Christian as even my chromosomes seem to be to me, I don’t think of being a Christian as a very big deal. This identity is undeniable, but it isn’t what matters. What matters is how I follow the road of Jesus. What matters is whether or not I practice the compassion, seek the justice, and work for the peace of the Christ. What matters is whether and how I directly experience the love that is God. And of course you can do these things without being a Christian! Whether or not you or I am a Christian is a relatively trivial concern. It’s just a label -- a shallow, transitory definition that says only a little about who we are. It’s the wrapping paper, not the present. Christian identity is cheap. But Christian practice can cost you your life.

Cheap as it is, though, it has some utility. My Christian identity helps me to learn much from Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, and others. Being distinctly Christian has helped me discover the universal spiritual experience that transcends the boundaries of all religions. To claim your Christian identity doesn’t have to prejudice you against other religions. On the contrary, it can be a useful starting point for discovering and exploring other faiths, honoring the possibility that they could be as valid and good as our own.

And our religious identity offers access for others into the realm of the spirit. My Christian identity, at its best, is an invitation to others to explore what is good and useful the Christian tradition. Sure, there’s plenty about my religion that is embarrassing and downright dreadful. But the mystical wisdom, the treasury of spiritual experience, the sublime music, art, and architecture, the layers of significance in the scriptures – it’s staggering. If I can be a doorway into the storehouse of these spiritual riches, let me swing wide for those who wish to enter.

To those of us who claim to be Christians, I suggest that we make the best use of our religious identity while wearing it lightly. To those who don’t call themselves Christians, but are following the Christ as seriously as any of us for whom the label fits, I say – thank God for being living reminders that the contents matter more than the package.

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” (Philippians 2: 5-7)

In this passage, Saint Paul reminds us that Jesus himself wasn’t much concerned with his religious identity. He was focused entirely on the path he was walking, not on the divine names ascribed to him because he walked it. Jesus didn’t think of himself as a Christian. So those of you who follow his way but don’t think of yourselves as Christians are in excellent company!