MML Time

In a rush he came unannounced into my office, asking that I close the door behind him. (The word on the quad is that I’m generally available for such spontaneous visitations.)

Sitting on the sofa, my student friend poured out his story. We had met a few times before. He is a recovering evangelical Christian, seeking a new way to live out and express his ever-deepening spirituality. This time, the words tumbled out from him in a torrent. How could he discern whether the inner messages he was getting about his career and his relationship with his girlfriend were from God or not? This lively and brilliant young man was in a ferment.

“I’m very glad you paid me a visit today,” I said to him. “Because I sense you need some MML time.” As in Mary, Martha, and Lazarus time. The time Jesus spent resting, relaxing, and reflecting at the home of the three siblings who were his dearest friends.

The sacred myth of the gospel tells us that when Jesus needed a break, when he needed just to kick back and chill out with people in non-transactional relationship, when he needed three hots and a cot, he’d head over to MML’s place. The gospel tells us that Martha cooked him food and fluffed his bed, and Mary engaged him in conversation. It doesn’t tell us anything about Lazarus, except that Jesus wept when he learned that Lazarus died… a big deal, because there’s no other report of Jesus crying in the gospels. I like to imagine that Lazarus just sat silently and listened to Jesus with warm attention. I like to imagine that Lazarus’ contribution to Jesus’ MML experience was one of wordless, loving, non-anxious presence… so often the very greatest gift that any of us can give to each other.

To be sure, MML time included family dynamics. Martha was jealous of Mary’s special connection with Jesus, so Jesus invited Martha to be an equal part of their conversation. Whatever transpired in the MML household, it didn’t get in the way of the love among them, nor of the refreshment Jesus found there. It may well have enriched and deepened their connection.

We all have spells where we need MML time. In the case of my student friend, I suggested that he needed time to let his ferment settle and percolate. “I advise that you don’t act on any of the inner messages you are getting right now,” I said. “I hope you’ll take some time to relax, just like you’re doing right here, and – as Lao Tzu once said – wait for the mud to settle till the water is clear.” After some good MML time, we get the bigger picture. We sort out what’s worth our energy and what’s not. We make better decisions.

Jesus, too, lived in a state of ferment for much of his active ministry. He needed periods for that fermentation to bubble up and work itself out. Wilderness time. Garden of Gethsemane time. MML time.

At USC, I lead a group of faculty who study and practice “contemplative pedagogy” – meditative methods of teaching and learning. Our latest presenter, Mark Marino, teaches writing to undergraduates. He assigns his students to wash dishes or take walks and then write about whatever inspirations come to them while they are distracted by these activities. He teaches them that these seemingly extraneous activities are part of the writing process. Students are often surprised at how these activities help them get past “writers’ block” and discover insights they would have missed if they had only kept their noses aimed at the keyboard. MML time is not a disengagement from the world, nor from our spiritual journey. It is integral to it.

May we all seek out the people and places where we can get MML time. And may we all find ways to offer space for MML time for those we love, when they need it…