Open Path

Sex in Progressive Christianity

By: Deshna Ubeda

We live in a time of extremes.  Extreme sexual carelessness and extreme sexual prejudice.  Unfortunately, the Bible has been used falsely as a weapon of hate and exclusion and people claiming to be followers of Jesus' teachings let their fear and ignorance justify their dehumanizing of others.  Frankly, Jesus would be horrified with what much of the world has done with his message of love.  We hope to remind people and inform people what his true message was.  He stood up against exclusion, tyranny, violence, and hate.  So do we.

We hope you can help us continue to spread a message of love, inclusion, and openness.  We have been gifted as humans with intelligence.  Let us use it to educate others without judgment and to continue to question and evolve.  We are all one people, we are all breathing and exchanging the same energy.  With our bodies we can express our love in a sacred way.  With our words and open arms, we can live as Jesus did.  Separate from no one.  Respectful of all, including our own bodies, minds and souls.

There are many different ways to express our love, sex being just one.  Do we take the time to really make our partners feel known, seen, and respected?  Do we talk about the difference between sexual intercourse and sacred sex with our teenagers?  Do we talk about how different people desire different types of sexual expression with different types of partners and how that is ok?  Or do we keep that all locked up in our minds and fantasies, behind closed doors? 

Kids today mostly see one kind of sex- the kind that occurs between casual partners that are too young to really understand what they are dealing with.  What would change in our society if we sat down and really talked about sacred sex?  What would happen if that was just as prevalent as skinny young models posing in sexual positions? 

Sex is still a topic that needs to be widely discussed in the home, the church, and among friends.  We need to talk about how women are still disrespected, how people of different sexual orientation are outcast and hated.  When we see the true spirit within each other and know that we are not separate from anyone- sacred sex can and should exist, and no one is excluded from our love. 

For more on this topic, check out this months eBulletin! 

Ahh...love

By: Deshna Ubeda

Whether we like it or not, this month has us all thinking about love.  Some of us are thinking of how good the love we receive in our lives feels.   Some of us may be thinking about what is lacking in the love relationships we share.  Some are thinking that all they want is to find someone who really loves them.  Then there are those who have given up on love. 

Maybe there's a little of each of those in all of us most of the time. 

We find ourselves busy, over-worked, under-paid, with too many things to be responsible for and we wonder why our love isn't fulfilling us the way it should. 

You could stop there and spend the rest of your life looking forward to what you want or looking back, missing something you once had.

Or you can face those ego emotions and look at them directly with complete awareness and then once you see them as not you- you know the REAL you- you are free to do with them what you want and what you know frees you from unnecessary suffering. 

Some suffering is just part of life, other suffering- like negative human emotions- we don't need.  Once you see that you are the awareness observing this learning experience, you realize that you are the only person responsible for your happiness- not your spouse, not your best friend, not your mom, not your kids.  You are in control of one thing and one thing only in this vast mystery and that is how you respond to what life presents to you. 

I believe in Karma, not for any rational reason, and not that I know it to be true.  I have no scientific reason for my belief...it just feels right instinctively.  In a way, my belief has been due to experience.  I have seen the chain of reaction that began with something I have done.  But one thing I know for sure is that the universe provides endless lessons for us until we learn them all. 

Number one lesson for me? You have to love yourself.  Your true self.  Not who you are because of your job or labels or relationships. Or anything else other than that incredible spirit within a human intelligence.  You are both the guide and the student at all times.  You can share the love that begins within like a bright light in the world. And then you will change the world.

(image above is from the Hubble telescope)

Thoughts on Forgiveness

This blog is a discussion we at TCPC have been having on forgiveness as we work on one of our Children's Curriculum lessons on forgiveness.  Here are the thoughts of one of our board members- Janice Gregory- on forgiveness.  Your thoughts?

Since our meeting in Chicago, I’ve been studying forgiveness – and I have come to some conclusions that I think we should consider for our forgiveness lesson(s) in the children’s curriculum.

I think that my concerns can be met, and the lesson(s) on forgiveness improved, by paying more attention to what forgiveness is – and what it is not.  

As you may recall, I was concerned that a Sunday school teacher could unwittingly do harm by urging a child simply to forgive a hurt inflicted by another person.  If, for example, the other person were an abusive adult, the child could be put in the position of returning to this person only to receive more abuse, and of thinking that that was the only “right” thing for them to do.  Teachers themselves may be confused.  For example, there are far too many stories of clergy urging a woman to return to an abusive husband in order to preserve the sanctity of the marriage.

In my inquiries, I found most helpful a book entitled The Art of Forgiving by Lewis B. Smedes (Ballantine: 1996).  Much of what follows is taken from that book.

Let us begin with what forgiveness is NOT.

It is not reunion.  I think we often believe that forgiveness is like kissing and making up.  It is not.  If we are in a situation such as in the examples above, we should get out of there as quickly as possible.

It is not forgetting what has happened or assuming everything can be restored to where it was before the hurt was inflicted.   If someone has broken trust with us, then that trust is broken and would have to be re-earned before it could be restored.  If a co-worker is fired for good reason, we can forgive what they did, but that does not mean they should be re-hired.

It does not mean that we excuse what was done, take the edge off any evil committed, or give up our right to justice.  

The quotes at the end of this note from Desmond Tutu might explain these points better.

So, then, what is forgiveness, and when is it an appropriate course of action?

It is giving up the hope of a different past.  The first step is to recognize that we have been wronged and to name that wrong and who committed the wrong.  If we cannot do these things, then there is nothing to forgive.

It is surrendering our right to get even.  This is the nub of how forgiveness heals.  This is how the “love channels of the heart get unclogged” to borrow the imagery of Madison’s four-year-old parishioner.  A good example is to look at a situation where you are not in a position to exact vengeance on the offender.  So you spend your life in hatred, and the person who hurt you is in fact still in control of your heart.

Forgiveness is an option to us when –

1. Someone takes an action that seriously wrongs us
2. That person meant to take that action
3. That person initiated the action

That person is, in essence, to blame for the wrong done to us.  If there is no blame, there is nothing to forgive.

Finally, how do we forgive?

Smedes suggests a process of (1) rediscovering the humanity of the person who hurt us, (2) giving up on vengeance (but not on justice), and (3) revising our feelings toward the person so that we can wish them well in the future.

Desmond Tutu’s speech “We Forgive You” published in The Rainbow People of God (1994) includes a statement that “The victims of injustice and oppression must be ever ready to forgive.”  But regarding the oppressed and the oppressor coming together, he says, “Those who have wronged [us] must be willing to make what amends they can…..If I have stolen your pen, I can’t really be contrite when I say, ‘Please forgive me’ if at the same time I keep your pen.  If I am truly repentant, then I will demonstrate this genuine repentance by returning your pen.  Then [reunion], which is always costly, will happen…It can’t happen just by saying ‘Let bygones be bygones.’”

This is because forgiveness is something that is done by a single person, while reunion or reconciliation is something that necessarily involves two persons in relationship.  We can forgive without trusting the person we have forgiven will change their behavior; in reunion we must have trust they will not hurt us again.

The difference between forgiveness and reconciliation is also why we must truly repent before we can ask for God’s forgiveness:  What we really are asking is that we be restored to our right relationship with God, and that is a relationship question.